SHORT STORIES | CATS

Cats are Jerks

Emika Oka (Mika)

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As fellow cat servants, we all know the drill. Cats may look innocent and fluffy, but don’t be fooled — behind those big eyes and soft fur lies a sadistic creature that relishes in torturing us. We all know that cats are jerks.

Don’t let Kimchi’s innocent-looking face fool you — she’s a little terror in disguise.
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It all starts with their tendency to walk all over us when we’re trying to sleep. They’ll pounce on us, knead our chests with their claws, purring in our faces. And when we try to push them off, they just give us that innocent look that says, “What? I’m just showing you love!”. We know what you did, Fluffy. You’re a jerk.

Trying to sleep with a cat in your bed is like playing a game of space invasion. They start off small but before you know it, they’ve taken over the entire mattress. You try to push them to the side, and they’ll just dig their claws in deeper, making it clear that they’re not going anywhere. And let’s not forget about the way they hog the blankets, leaving you shivering in the middle of the night. It’s like they have some sort of superpower that allows them to expand to three times their size, all while having a personal vendetta against your comfort. It’s a constant battle for space, and your cat always comes out on top of your blanket of course.

If you’re like me, you probably have more scratches on your arms and legs than a scratch-off lottery ticket. And it’s all thanks to our furry little sadists, also known as cats. You know how it goes. You’re minding your own business, maybe sitting on the couch watching TV, when your cat suddenly decides it’s time to play. They’ll pounce on your arm or leg, claws out and ready to attack. And before you know it, you’re covered in scratches.

But that’s not the worst of it. There’s also the dreaded bath time. I don’t know about you, but my cat turns into a demon as soon as she gets anywhere near water. It’s like she’s possessed or something. She’ll hiss, scratch, and bite, all in an effort to avoid getting wet. And let’s not even get started on the noise she makes. It’s like a mix between a dying animal and a car alarm.

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Emika Oka (Mika)

Sharing her unique perspective on the world as a hearing-impaired autistic person with bipolar disorder despite the challenges.